Ashes for Action

Following a full morning of #AshesonBART, our church intern Lacey Hunter, elder Tom Pack and I gathered in front of the immigration court building in San Francisco to offer a service of ashes and prayers.

Together with the Interfaith Coalition of Immigrant Rights, we lamented the fear and uncertainty that hundreds of thousands of immigrants feel as they cannot yet apply for safety through Obama's extended programs DAPA and DACA. Read more here.

The connection for me is clear. On Ash Wednesday, we step into the season of Lent. We mark a cross with ashes on our forehead and we remember that we are mere dust...beloved dust...and that as God's creation we belong (in life and in death) to God. We also belong to each other...

"Somos todos seres humanos." We are all human beings. We are connected beyond borders, beyond governments, beyond racial differences...by our faith. By our Creator. By our God.


Thus, Ash Wednesday and this season of Lent cannot be just a time to focus on our personal relationships with God...as important as those are. We cannot just be aware of how God is present to us, but to our neighbors as well.

The ashes remind us that we are dust and we will return to dust. That dust is all of creation...God's creation...we are connected.

This lenten season I'm excited to walk with my community (Mission Bay Community Church) toward a deeper faith as we seek to see and care for our neighbor.

As a great mentor and professor Bill Brown once said, "May we see what God sees, and may our hearts break over what breaks God's heart."

Parts of our Service of Ashes and Prayer was documented by NBC Bay Area News. You can watch online here: http://www.nbcbayarea.com/video/#!/on-air/as-seen-on/Protests-Follow-Court-Order-on-Obamas-Immigration-Reform/292514031

Transience - Rooted in God

2015 is here! Regardless of the fact that I keep writing 2014 on everything...

The turn of a new year always creates a pause in my life for reflection. A moment to mark the transition and look forward to the future.

As I reflect on this past year, I'm aware of the ways I have changed and grown both as a pastor and as a person. I'm also acutely aware of what has stayed the same.

One of the major themes of my ministry in San Francisco is the transient nature of the community. Each year, new people come into my life and into our ministry. And each year good friends and congregants move away. I find myself sitting with both grief and joy at these transitions. Grief that our church community must say goodbye to incredible leaders and faithful disciples and great joy that I've had the chance to meet them and share ministry with them.

San Francisco at Night.

In conversation with a colleague Monica Kilpatrick some time ago, she shared with me the metaphor of a port for my (and MBCC's) ministry in San Francisco. We are here, providing a space, a community, and a format for people to enter into. Some may only visit, stop and rest a while. Others may settle in, grow, share, and lead us. And as we bring people in, we also send some on their way to the next place God is calling them. This metaphor of a port is helpful to me as it reminds me that God has called me to a specific kind of ministry. A place that is active and energetic, fun and engaging. A community that is transient and will continue to change.

I now know that the emotional process of loss will remain the same struggle. The depth of my grief and my joy will stay the same. My heart saddened in the same way now as is was the first time. And honestly, that's a good thing. As hard as it is to say goodbye and grieve, it shows that my heart (and our hearts) are still open to loving. Open to the newness God is bringing our way.

During worship last Sunday, we laid hands on one of our members who is moving away. This ritual of laying on hands and praying over the one who is being called elsewhere is such a beautiful gift for our community. It acknowledges the pain of the loss, lifts it to God and reminds us all that beyond this place, beyond our geography, beyond even our community in each other....we belong to God. We are rooted in God and thus we are forever connected to one another through God.

As I look to the new year, I am excited about the new energy, ideas and growth. I also hold within my heart the people who have come and gone during my ministry at MBCC and I hope you know you will forever keep a place in my heart.

Happy 2015! Here's to remembering, celebrating and jumping into the new year!

Communion on BART

(left to right) Intern Lacey Hunter, Elder Tom Pack, Rev. Dawn Hyde

Things that were awkward about this morning:

- an incredibly tight clerical collar
- standing on the steps of BART holding elements (bread and juice)
- the eyes that stared at us

You see, today is Maundy Thursday. It is the day when we remember Jesus' final meal with his disciples right before he was betrayed, beaten and crucified on a cross.

At Mission Bay Community Church, we celebrate the sacrament of communion every Sunday because we view it as a vital part of our identity. We are fed so that we can feed the world. We extend the fellowship of communion after worship during dinner. Breaking bread with one another provides the space through which we get to see and know each other as children of God.

Per my post on Ash Wednesday, I feel pretty convicted to be in public space more as a pastor and to hold space as holy. So today, Lacey and I broke bread in the very public space of a BART station (Bay Area Rapid Transit) and offered God's love through this sacrament to those on their morning commute.

What we realized is that there is a lot of baggage around communion. People were much more willing to come forward and receive ashes (symbolizing their mortality) than they are to to come for communion (symbolizing new life). Interesting...

As Lacey and I reflected afterwards, we recognized the church's responsibility for creating a lot of baggage around communion. Centuries of rules dictating who is allowed to receive communion and who can bless and give it. The long stares of people passing by made me wonder how many were considering if they were really welcome to partake in the feast. Shouldn't this happen in church? Have I confessed recently? Can females do this?

I stand by the importance of us holding sacred space and pointing people back to God. I realize many people don't know what this day means or why it would even matter, but perhaps having two women in clerical collars holding the symbols of bread and cup sparks some interest. I like to think there will be a (small) bump in google searches for "communion," "bread and wine," or "who were those crazy women outside of Powell St. BART holding bread?" One can only hope :)

Communion is meant to be powerful. Jesus shared this meal right before he suffered and died. But, I don't think it is meant to portray power plays. I get communion and you don't. Or I can serve it and you can't. Pretty sure when we play that game we are missing Jesus' point.

Jesus charges us in his words at the table to love one another. "As I have loved you," Jesus says, "love one another." (John 13:34-35)

It can be uncomfortable to spread God's love out in public. But it can be pretty awesome and faithful, too.

Urban Pastor

Sometimes I'm overwhelmed by how secular this city is and I wish more people knew and appreciated my identity as a pastor. 

Sometimes I love how I can go completely unnoticed. No one suspects my role as pastor.

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This last Wednesday I felt both of these things as I put on my collar and grabbed some ashes to offer ashes and prayer on BART (Bay Area Rapid Transit). 

Early Morning with intern Lacey Hunter

One of our pastors, Leslie Veen, mentioned last year how protestants always receive their ashes at the end of the day. Wouldn't it be cool to get them first thing? So, as is tradition at Mission Bay Community Church, we set out to try something new. 

It was new for us - hanging out in the train stations and streets of the city instead of holding a worship service in the church building where we normally live. 

I had several reflections from the day:

-  I was amazed by how many strangers approached me with questions. I must have busted the myth of "only males are pastors" about 10 times and had some fascinating conversations about Lent and what the ashes do for our faith.

- I was humbled by the way strangers stepped into the intimate space with me of receiving ashes, recognizing our shared mortality and asking for prayer. It was holy.

- Standing in silence with a sign offering prayer and ashes is my kind of evangelism. Several people eyed me cautiously and a few came forward risking whatever we may offer for the ashes and prayer. Once one person would work up the courage to walk over, others around them would see that we really just were imposing ashes and offering prayer, and then several more people would follow. One woman watched as her friends received ashes, read the scripture verses we had for people to take and said, "You really are just giving out love?" "huh."

My day in a clerical collar on the secular streets of San Francisco taught me that I need to be out there more - meeting God's people. Risking my comfort to mark spaces as holy. 

(left to right) Intern Lacey Hunter, Rev. Dr. Leslie Veen, Rev. Brian King, Elder Tom Pack

(left to right) Rev. Diana Bell, me, Rev. (and mentor) Maggi Henderson 

Good thing I've got some awesome clergy friends and MBCCers who are willing to risk the comfort with me! 

bring them in without burning them out

Volunteers are amazing. Period.

Especially for organizations like the church I lead, where volunteers really make it possible for us to be viable.

I've been thinking a lot recently about how to create space for volunteers, how to engage new volunteers, and how to facilitate expectations and fair loads. In other words, how to "bring them in without burning them out."

My goal is to help those who volunteer to identify their passions and their gifts and then connect them to opportunities where those passions meet the needs in the community. What I'm learning is that there are some pretty talented people out there with LOTS of passions and great ideas. My connection time is short and the limitation is usually time. How do we as an organization make the connections smoothly and (here goes my boundaries awareness again) how do we practice saying "no" so that the load doesn't become too much for any one person?

If only people weren't so awesome with so many talents, right?  :)

The organization has needs, too. Consistency and Commitment. There are things that have to get done "the nitty gritty" to keep the mission alive. Sustainability of the organization is an ongoing pressure I feel as we want to honor the movements of passions, dreams and new ideas.

As I'm thinking about this I'm curious what resources are already out there?

What creative approaches are you using either in your own discernment of how you volunteer your time or as a leader of an organization that depends on volunteers?

Looking forward to learning from you - the community that reads this - to learn how to better enable and support our volunteers. Thanks (in advance) for your help!

doubts and stouts

It still kind of surprises me that 10-15 people show up each month curious to talk about some controversial/theological issue. It reminds me how hungry people are for a connection, for some understanding about who God is and how God is at work in our lives.

Last night we met to talk about the doctrine of election. Predestination - the belief that God predestines some to heaven and some to hell. Over the years, predestination has given Presbyterians a bad rap. In corny church-culture jokes, we're sometimes called the "frozen chosen." Now, gathered with actual church folk I was surprised to learn that they hadn't really heard about this belief through the church, only through history books. It seems our church is so shocked (or shamed) by the stigma that we don't teach about it anymore.

As always, there were more questions raised than possible solutions and as I know this is frustrating to some, it's quite beautiful for me. As Sarah Miles writes in her book Take This Bread, we are perhaps called to be "the personal and institutional capacity to dwell in the ambiguity and unsettledness."

Many of us were uncomfortable with the belief that God chooses some and not others. We struggled with the continuous tension between God's sovereign character (all powerful, all loving, always present) and our own free will.

We did find grace though. We found comfort in knowing God has reached out to us. We found great encouragement in scripture where it is written in Ephesians 1:4 that "God chose us in Jesus Christ before the creation of the world." We found some solace in 20th c. reformed theologian Karl Barth's thoughts who said that Jesus was both the Elect and the Rejected and that through him all are invited to know God. We felt more comfortable with God choosing all of us, granting us free will and then acknowledging that some will turn away. Also acknowledging that justice needs to be part of the equation and we don't need to play judge, but trust that God does.

All sorts of new questions came up for us: What is heaven, really? And what about hell? Are these places or spaces after death or experienced here, too? What about when Jesus talks about the kingdom coming now (on Earth) in the Lord's Prayer...

Well, stay tuned. Next month, that's exactly what we're discussing. Join us and please feel free to continue the conversation by adding your thoughts here.

church for the broken

I used to think what brought a church together was a communal belief system. We gather on Sundays for worship because we can recite the same prayers and creed. To some extent it is cultural, but also choice.

Now, I think what brings people together to "be church" is a common brokenness. A shared sense of emptiness, a recognition of the hurt in our world, and a hope for something better. As I get to know the people in my church, we do not all ascribe to the same beliefs. The diversity among us is a blessing, actually. Our diverse religious backgrounds and beliefs keep the conversation active and fun. What we share in common is our experience of the brokenness in ourselves and in the world around us. As we come together, we find hope in God and in one another for a world beyond our human experience. One in which healing, reconciliation, justice, peace and love are all possible. Wholeness made a reality.

At first it sounded bizarre to claim that our church was a place for the broken and yet as I think about Jesus on the cross.... brokenness is a huge part of our faith story. It is from this common place of brokenness that new life emerges - resurrection is made possible. Hope again feels real.

Is Jesus the ONLY way?

I've been asked by some of you to blog about our last doubts and stouts gathering where we engaged the question - Is Jesus the only way?

It was a really fruitful discussion and not a topic we all agreed on. Some decided a definitive "Yes," others "No," and many stuck in the middle very aware of all that is at risk by claiming a definitive answer either way.

At stake for us in saying "Yes, Jesus is the only way" to God...to heaven...to eternal salvation and peace is 4/5 of the world's population. What about those who haven't heard Jesus' name? What about people devout in other faith traditions? We sacrifice important interfaith dialogue and working together for peace and justice in the world around us. We limit God's freedom to speak in different ways to different people. Sometimes, safety is at stake by making this claim. We've been violent with one another over this issue by not being tolerant of other faith traditions.

At stake for us in saying "No, Jesus is not the only way" is the costliness of the cross. Various faith traditions allow space to reach out to God, yet Christianity is unique in that we believe that God actively reached out to us by coming to us in the form of a human and giving the greatest gift of sacrifice so that we might know God. If we don't claim Christ as unique and essential to our faith, why practice Christianity over any other religion? Do we take the cross in vain when we say that it is not essential for knowing God? Perhaps our scripture is at stake when we say that Jesus is not the only way.

Rev. Susan M. Strouse gives us some historical and literary context for the gospel of John in her article "Is Jesus the Only Way?" She reminds us that John 14:6 was not written as an answer to a 21st century question about other religions. It was written to help those early Christians - and us, too - not to fear what comes after death.

One suggestion brought up in our conversation is the metaphor of God as a large being, say an elephant, and we are situated around the elephant such that we are all seeing a different view. Those of us facing its front may describe it's trunk, those from the side, it's belly, those in the back, it's tail. God's allowed to be complex :)

Another suggestion was to think about who Jesus is for us - what Jesus stands for - and to try substituting a different word. It was suggested that sometimes our words get in our own way of hearing and understanding one another's experience or belief. So, if we believe that Jesus is truth, light, peace, forgiveness, justice, love, reconciliation....we can say "It is through truth/light/peace/forgiveness/justice/love/reconciliation that you come to God/heaven/true peace/eternal life.

The push back here is that Jesus made it so that there is nothing WE can do to enter God's presence. It is a gift. The language substitutions make it seem like we have to live in truth, light, peace, forgiveness, peace...etc. I get it. I also think it wouldn't be bad (and Jesus would even love it) if we lived that way.

Needless to say this remains a complex issue with no simple answers. Living in the 21st century, experiencing Christianity as a world religion and seeing that we create violence and war over these questions...I think it's important that we seek space for safe conversation, understanding, and tolerance even when we disagree.

We need to claim our faith on our own and not apologize for what we believe. And at the same time we need to be very careful not to play God and use scripture as a weapon to hurt others.

doubts and stouts

You may be surprised to hear that pastors doubt.

I certainly do and I'm ok sharing it with the world because my doubt often allows me to move closer to trusting and loving God. Instead of avoiding that there are hard things in life to reconcile with my faith, I prefer to name them, test them, and debate them. And this process helps me claim my belief in God even more.

Mission Bay Community Church just recently formed a group called "Doubts and Stouts." A member of our community, Joel Bylsma, had this hunger to talk about hard theological/philosophical questions and wondered if others might, too. So, we started this group. He coined the awesome name "Doubts and Stouts" and we met last night for our first gathering at a grill/pub for conversation and craft beer.

Our first topic was theodicy - If God is all powerful and all loving, why is there suffering in the world? I know...start easy, right? The conversation was rich and diverse. More like a brainstorming session than a philosophical argument. We provoked each other and the question and we found ourselves considering history, philosophy, science, scripture, and church culture. We had a lot of fun!

For those of you interested, here are some brief notes from our discussion. You'll notice there are WAY more questions than answers :)

 Theodicy = if God is all powerful and all good/loving, then why does suffering exist?

- Why do we believe that God is all powerful? (God created, Jesus' miracles - power over nature)

- Why do we believe that God is all loving/Good? (The Bible tells us so. Jesus loves us. John 3:16)

- Does God love ALL people? What about when God told the Israelites to kill their enemies. Is God loving then? Contradictory scripture verses. 

- God's justice. Do we comprehend God's justice? Sometimes it feels like God is just unfair. 

- Deism - belief that God created the world and then stepped back and let the world run its course. We don't believe this. We believe God is personal and interacts/cares/provides for us. We believe this through the life, ministry and death of Jesus. 

- What are examples/expressions of pain and suffering that make us question God's character? cancer, natural disasters, suicide, young death, accidents, addictions, genocide.

- What about prayer? Do we believe that God is affected by our prayers? Or is prayer more about changing us and our perspective? What do the psalms do?

- What are some explanations for theodicy? 

(1) God is mysterious/we cannot know God's plan. Some of us are unsatisfied with this answer because it can make us complacent/passive. We think the conversation and action is important. 

(2) God gave us free-will, so suffering is our fault. This explains suffering that we can create, but not illnesses or natural disasters.

(3) The analogy of life being a quilt....the threads underneath don't make sense to us, but are being woven together to create something God-intended/beautiful. It's a perspective thing...we don't see the whole picture. We liked this explanation more, but still believe that God cares about us (little threads, if you will). We are told in scripture that God provides - God cares for the flowers of the fields and feeds the birds ..how much more does God care for us? (Matt. 6) 

- Question of scripture vs. theology came up. Why do we want historically/culturally to affirm that God doesn't change (all powerful/all loving), when in scripture God does change God's mind and sometimes God's character (wrathful, loving)

- Maybe suffering is given. Suffering is life. If this is the known, then how do we live our lives to find joy, hope, truth and love? 

At the end of the discussion, we had not solved this great problem. We affirmed that we only see dimly (1 Corinthians 13) and that faith cannot be built upon facts or philosophical claims. We talked about how some of us are ok accepting the mystery of God, but that we couldn't expect everyone to like or embrace the mystery. Some of us are just like "doubting Thomas" and we need more intellectual discourse and explanation. What I know... is that it is good for us to be faithful to our hunger...to doubt, to question, to debate, to share our life experience, to share our brokenness..and that through all of this, we may catch glimpses of hope in God and in one another.

We're meeting again the first Wednesday in August and will discuss another topic - "If God is all powerful, why did Jesus have to die to forgive our sins?" Thanks to David and Bob Boles for the awesome curiosity and honest question! Join us in person on online and feel free to share questions/doubts of your own!

Awaiting News Today

We await big news from the Supreme Court today.

People of faith all around the country are waiting with hopeful anticipation that the Supreme Court will strike discrimination from our federal laws and ensure that all couples who choose to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage receive equal rights and protections.

At Mission Bay Community Church, we believe that every human being is created in the image of God and has sacred worth. Extending marriage to all couples is an important step toward acknowledging the common humanity and equal worth of all God's children.


For all of you on edge today...feeling anxious, scared, hopeful, tired....know that you are not alone. God loves you and has claimed you as God's own. Your love is precious in God's sight. Know we are with you and surround you with support and love as your church community.

Praying God helps justice prevail and love endure this day and always.

Dawn

Evangelism is NOT a dirty word

Evangelism tends to be a dirty word in progressive church circles. We still define evangelism as people "pushing their gospel on us." We picture people on the street (or worse, coming to our door) handing us a flyer and trying to "save our soul." We understand evangelism to be oppressive and mean spirited.

But...I LOVE EVANGELISM. Really, I do. And here's why:

"Evangelism is anything you do to help another person move closer to a relationship with God and/or into Christian community." Martha Grace Rees

Evangelism is anything we do that touches someone's life in a meaningful way and moves them closer to God or a faith community. Evangelism is welcoming people to be a part of our family of faith, it's loving on them, sharing a meal or a smile or a hug. Evangelism is telling our story of the one who loves us and why we love others...even those nobody loves.

And you know what? It's time to reclaim this "dirty word" evangelism because it is our call. It is our mission. It's biblical. Furthermore, we're already doing it. Why let someone else define it for us?

This week I have been back in school learning about a new scorecard for evangelism. Instead of counting the number of bums in pews, we're measuring our influence.... on the web, through social media, to the entire world!! That's really our mission right? Share the gospel...take it to the ends of the world. That's what any media (newspaper, radio, TV, telephone, text, tweet, like, share, etc) is doing. It is allowing us to share and spread our story in a new, evolving, exciting way.

We measure how well we evangelize (refer again to the definition as I know you've already forgotten) by measuring our influence. It's both high touch and high tech. High touch because we want the story we tell to be powerful, to be moving, to be worthy of the Jesus we love. High touch is getting the casserole to the family in need, it's providing a shoulder for someone to cry on, it's being fully present with others in a real and loving way. High tech is making the best use of the tools we've been given. It's embracing the new technologies that better connect us. This week we've played with all sorts of new social media (path, prayer engine, basecamp, etc) in churches all over the U.S. and Canada to extend our reach...to further our impact...to evangelize.

Evangelism. It's not dirty at all. It's beautiful. It's powerful. And it's our call.

Embodied Prayer

In memory of John Dowling, a beloved member of MBCC who died in December,
we as a worshipping community embodied prayer as we made a communal
mosaic cross. John was a fabulous artist and so this embodied prayer seemed
only appropriate as we remember him and are grateful for his life.

I'm an active person, so I have a hard time sitting still to pray.

Obeying God's command to "be still and know God," I do sit still occasionally and can sometimes successfully quiet myself enough to pray. Most of the time though, I prefer to pray in action - through movement.

I discovered what I call "embodied prayer" sometime last year while swimming. I started praying for someone as I swam a lap and then when I started a new lap I would pray for someone else. The rhythmic pace helped me move through my prayer. I find that as I give my body some methodical task (like free stroke), my mind is free to be still, to connect to God, to lift those I love in prayer.

Swimming has been the best prayer practice I've found, though I've also used running or walking as a means of embodied prayer before. Any type of individual exercise allows me to pray.

Another way I pray is by writing my prayers on large white boards and then erasing them. This seemingly simple practice reminds me to "let go and let God." As I write down names, details, worries, anxieties, fears... I acknowledge their presence in my mind and heart and then as I erase them, I physically give them over to God.

Connecting with God in prayer isn't always easy. We have to experiment to see which types of prayers work for us. Some people connect to God through music...playing an instrument or listening to music. Others use creative expressions of art...using a creative medium to express their thoughts and prayers.

Where Have I Been?

I’m walking with a little jump in my step today and I want to tell you why... I just spent the last few days with some dreamers in the church and I am bursting with excitement for what God is doing among us. 

baltimore

This week I was in Baltimore. I was called with various other church leaders to “talk back” to our denominational office. The structure of our church is such that the ministry and work of the church is done through 6 agencies. More information here. This conference, Six Agency Leadership Consultation Initiative (#salic13), was intended for the agencies to hear from current leaders how the structure is experienced in the church and how we can do ministry better together. 

I’m leaving this conference energized because I feel heard. I am renewed in my belief that God is still working among us and that we now have better ideas for how we can share our resources (intellectual, financial, artistic, and physical) with one another. We dreamt together about PCUSA TED talks, Craigslist for the church, church partnerships, funded sabbaticals and rest, organic new ministries found and funded quickly. We reflected on how we are called to be open... to God, to each other, and to this new reality that we experience in the church. We worshiped together and gave life and breath to words of Isaiah 43 “Do not be afraid. I have called you by name you are mine... [PAY ATTENTION] I am doing a new thing.” 

Together we practiced unity in the spirit. We opened the complexities of scarcity and abundance, fear and hope, open communication and boundaries. We encouraged one another to take risks. We reflected on sustainable ministry and medical coverage care. And through all of it, I think we really lived out our covenant of not attacking each other, but “wondering” together about each other’s stories (taking time to hear them) and then wondering together what God must be up to in this part of our story. 

The complexity I see us still struggling with (daily/yearly/eternally) is our inability to believe that tradition and change come from the same spirit. We do NOT have to give up one in order to have the other. Shawna put it well in our last reflection together... “We keep arguing about whether or not to change when that really isn’t the choice before us. The choice is how we are to live into that change.” We have been charged with the call to create and recreate the church, ourselves, our story. I think the youth of our church are leading us yet again. Last week in Montreat, the youth decided that the theme for the Montreat Youth Conference in 2014 will be “Rooted and Reaching.” We are both rooted in God’s love/our tradition AND called to reach beyond ourselves and change, simultaneously.

I fly home today excited to be back with my congregation. Excited to share this good news that the national church is listening and encouraging us to try new things. To be bold in our listening and acting out God’s call on our lives and to to trust that the larger church goes with us...supporting us. I share the message with the church at large that “Louisville is Listening”...share you creative ideas and dreams for ministry with them. 

2012: A Year of Firsts

As 2012 comes to an end, I've taken a few moments to reflect on what this year has held. Turns out...it's been a crazy year of FIRSTS.

Firsts are always fun. The first date, first kiss, first plane ride, first cup of coffee in the day... I mean, it's hard to beat. Firsts can also be terrifying as they mark a deeper change in identity. Most of my firsts this year involve the switch in my vocational identity from student to pastor. It's a pretty big shift when I've been a student since I was 4 years old and the joys and struggles of someone at work are quite different from a student.

So... without further adieu...here we go! The list of FIRSTS... all remembered in the year of 2012:

First (and only) time ordained a teaching elder (pastor) in the Presbyterian Church (USA) on May 19, 2012.
First fall (in 21 years) I haven't started a new school year.
First time moving across the country with Tim.
First time administering communion.
First time being installed as the pastor of a church on July 29, 2012.
First time moderating session.
First baptism (sweet Elliot Tang).
First wedding ceremony I officiated (Judy and Keith).
First Advent season as the pastor (whew, this was/is crazy).

It's amazing to write this list and see how so many of my dreams have become a reality. I've dreamt of breaking the bread and feeding God's people. I've dreamt of baptizing someone and charging a church community to nurture this new believer in the faith. Not sure I have ever dreamt of moderating session, but I've learned that it can be lots of fun. Especially while drinking beer and cracking jokes at one another.

I have no clue what the next year holds except for lots of growth. I'm excited to move deeper into my new identity and learn what new experiences God has in store for me in the new year.

Christmas Cards

As I prepare for our Christmas Cards to be sent out, I realize how many of my friends have moved in the last 6 months - 1 year. Seriously, it is over half! Not only does it make me work in a frenzy to stay up to date on their current addresses, but it also makes me think about how transient my generation can be. Moving for jobs or further education grants us lots of opportunities, but at the cost of leaving familiar territory - friends and family and land that we've called "home."

Tim and I are obviously no different from our friends. We've moved apartments (and sometimes cities) every year for the past 7 years. We  have grown accustomed to change and have learned not to get attached to an apartment.

It makes me wonder what the effects of constant transition will have on our generation. Will we suffer from chronic anxiety over not knowing what is next? Will our families have a harder time staying involved in each other's lives? Will we ever feel grounded and a sense of belonging to a community and land?

These are certainly some of my fears with constant transition.

Tim and I moved to San Francisco in June and were quickly greeted with open arms by my new Presbyterian minister colleagues and Mission Bay Community Church. We are lucky. We found a place to live and after a few months of excruciating anxiety over what work Tim would find, God placed Tim in a wonderful work environment working on things that bring him home happy and fulfilled. My heart is BEYOND grateful for this gift.

Still, it hasn't been until recently that I've felt a little of what I've been yearning for. Just over Thanksgiving I was sharing with Tim how I finally feel grounded here. I'm just beginning to feel like I know more or less what to expect from work, from this city, from new friends. I feel like I'm finding my rhythm here and don't wake each day with anxiety of what will come next. Each day I fall deeper in love with my church community and am amazed by how God works through them. I've been able to enjoy this city, this land more as my home. God is granting us a sense of belonging here.

The more I lean into my experience of this transition and the deepening of my faith through it, I'm convinced that our transient generation has a merriad of opportunities to grow closer to God. Several wise people told me and Tim that as we moved far from family we would need to cling to God and to each other. This has been so true. My transition of uncertainty and excitement threw me closer to God as I was more aware of my dependency on God to provide for our most basic needs. It brought me closer to Tim as we had to voice our fears and expectations of each other and of the transition in order to make it through.

As I address cards, I pray for all my friends and all people going through transition. I'm acutely aware of the roller coaster of emotions - balancing exciting new opportunities with the sadness of leaving familiarity. I pray that in the moments of loneliness and fear, we seek out intentional community that grounds us in this new place and helps us to look beyond ourselves to find the inner peace and sense of belonging we so deeply need.

Modeling Ministry

I read a blog recently on the importance of modeling ministry. The article shared the benefits for both the pastor and the community when the role of the pastor is redefined to share the responsibilities and gifts of ministry with the members of the congregation.

This isn't a new discussion by any means... the "priesthood of all believers" has been an important doctrine of the Reformed Tradition. We believe that the pastor is no closer to God than other members of the community, that one need not "go through" the pastor to confess or communicate with God. Nor does one need always to be ministered to by the pastor. Sometimes ministry is more effective coming from those other than the pastor.

This blog caught my attention because it reminded me of the benefits I've experienced serving as pastor of Mission Bay Community Church. Not to toot this church's horn too much, but I have been so excited to serve alongside this community of leaders who understand that it is their responsibility and joy to share in ministry with me.

Probably the best example of how they share ministry with me is through their involvement in the sermon. Each week this community EXPECTS the preacher to pose a question where they can engage and respond. I've been blown away by how the Holy Spirit moves through their experience and opinions to bring about profound and rich meaning in the text. As they share their interpretation of the scripture passage or their experience of God, we all gain greater insight to how God is alive and at work in each others' lives.

Not only do they participate in the sermon weekly, but a few of the leaders in our church have led the sermon themselves. This has been a gift to me. Writing and giving sermons each week is exhausting work! Their preaching has given me a break to breathe and cultivate my love for scripture again. It's also been a gift to the community. Each preacher uses a different lens (historical, medical, pedagogical) and allows us to see scripture in different ways. Some of the most meaningful conversations for me have been with these preachers about their process of sermon writing/giving. This opportunity to preach has given them space and permission (maybe even prodding) to study the text, wrestle with it, reflect on our context (our community, our city, our world) and shape a word that is both authentic to them and to the text. I've enjoyed listening to them, learning from them, and growing closer to God and scripture through them!

Though I think this church is doing a great job participating in ministry, I want to challenge myself to do more. To encourage new preachers and students of the Word. I want to model how to take a step out of our comfort zones to particpate in worship, outreach, justice, and fellowhsip in ways that are new and scary for us.

Equally important for me, I want to model how to say "no" when our plates are too full. I want to model how to honor the sabbath and keep it holy...whatever day that is for us. I want to model how to seek wholesome balances in the time we devote to our relationship with God, to the church, to our families, to work, and to our own self care. This is a challenge for me because there is a never ending list of ways the church can be more engaged with itself and with the community. The temptation is to always want more of each other in ministry. To expect more. Yet, we have to look for sustainable ways to be engaged. We have to pay attention to our individual needs as well.

What are your thoughts? How is your congregation participating in ministry with you?

You're a pastor?

I'm learning a new scenario....

I meet someone in San Francisco and one of the very first questions I'm asked is what I do. "I'm a pastor," I say, "I work at a church." The second response I've added recently when I realized that "I'm a pastor" didn't answer their question enough. I needed to provide further clarification.

Now, I've seen the shocked responses to my answer from folks who are surprised that I am female and clergy. Or that I am a clergyperson and so YOUNG. But, here in San Francisco, I'm learning that the shocked response comes simply because that phrase "I'm a pastor," doesn't communicate to them. One of the next questions is "so... what do you do everyday?"

I stammer to reply with the hundreds of hats I wear... "I organize and lead worship every Sunday, I meet people in coffee shops and bars to get to know them, I visit people when they're in the hospital, I run a small organization...so I pay taxes, process payroll, bookkeeping, other admin work... I fix printers when they break.. I participate in community groups and work with the church community to do service in the community and world." I don't even go into the polity part... I participate in presbytery and moderate session meetings... that really won't communicate.

It has been interesting time and time again to articulate what I do. It reminds me how much of what I do has become "insider language" and that I need to find ways to communicate what I as pastor and we as church do in the community.

If this new acquaintance is still talking to me at this point...this is the question that usually follows: "Why did you become a pastor?" Ah, yes, because God called me. Hmmm...does that translate in the vernacular? Lemme try this: "I'm interested in public service. I thought about social work, public health,  and immigrant law in college. When I did a short internship in Guatemala in social work, I realized that I have a tendency to try to be "superwoman" and got frustrated at the end of the day when I couldn't do enough. People still went to bed with empty stomachs. I needed to work through the church because then at the end of the day I can rest fully in the hope that I don't have to be enough. God is enough. God is working through others and through this community for good. In the church, I get to share that message of hope all the time.

These recent conversations have been meaningful for me because they have brought to my attention the need for us rethink our "insider" language to be able to communicate with the rest of the world who is full of people that have never stepped foot in a church, much less a PC(USA) church. These conversations have reminded me to focus on the most basic, important questions of call: What do you do and why? I strongly believe that if we (church and pastors) do a better job of communicating who we are and what we do to the world around us, we might actually meet some of the spiritual hunger in this world. People are here, asking the same questions, "What do you do? What does that mean? Why in the world did you choose that?"

I'm doing my very best to see these new conversations as a gift to share God's glory, hope, and love with the hungry and broken world around me instead of this bizarre barrier that sets me apart from those around me. Feeling more and more like the Early Church in Acts that has to continually explain themselves to the world around them than the institutionalized power "the church" that was known by all.