doubts and stouts

You may be surprised to hear that pastors doubt.

I certainly do and I'm ok sharing it with the world because my doubt often allows me to move closer to trusting and loving God. Instead of avoiding that there are hard things in life to reconcile with my faith, I prefer to name them, test them, and debate them. And this process helps me claim my belief in God even more.

Mission Bay Community Church just recently formed a group called "Doubts and Stouts." A member of our community, Joel Bylsma, had this hunger to talk about hard theological/philosophical questions and wondered if others might, too. So, we started this group. He coined the awesome name "Doubts and Stouts" and we met last night for our first gathering at a grill/pub for conversation and craft beer.

Our first topic was theodicy - If God is all powerful and all loving, why is there suffering in the world? I know...start easy, right? The conversation was rich and diverse. More like a brainstorming session than a philosophical argument. We provoked each other and the question and we found ourselves considering history, philosophy, science, scripture, and church culture. We had a lot of fun!

For those of you interested, here are some brief notes from our discussion. You'll notice there are WAY more questions than answers :)

 Theodicy = if God is all powerful and all good/loving, then why does suffering exist?

- Why do we believe that God is all powerful? (God created, Jesus' miracles - power over nature)

- Why do we believe that God is all loving/Good? (The Bible tells us so. Jesus loves us. John 3:16)

- Does God love ALL people? What about when God told the Israelites to kill their enemies. Is God loving then? Contradictory scripture verses. 

- God's justice. Do we comprehend God's justice? Sometimes it feels like God is just unfair. 

- Deism - belief that God created the world and then stepped back and let the world run its course. We don't believe this. We believe God is personal and interacts/cares/provides for us. We believe this through the life, ministry and death of Jesus. 

- What are examples/expressions of pain and suffering that make us question God's character? cancer, natural disasters, suicide, young death, accidents, addictions, genocide.

- What about prayer? Do we believe that God is affected by our prayers? Or is prayer more about changing us and our perspective? What do the psalms do?

- What are some explanations for theodicy? 

(1) God is mysterious/we cannot know God's plan. Some of us are unsatisfied with this answer because it can make us complacent/passive. We think the conversation and action is important. 

(2) God gave us free-will, so suffering is our fault. This explains suffering that we can create, but not illnesses or natural disasters.

(3) The analogy of life being a quilt....the threads underneath don't make sense to us, but are being woven together to create something God-intended/beautiful. It's a perspective thing...we don't see the whole picture. We liked this explanation more, but still believe that God cares about us (little threads, if you will). We are told in scripture that God provides - God cares for the flowers of the fields and feeds the birds ..how much more does God care for us? (Matt. 6) 

- Question of scripture vs. theology came up. Why do we want historically/culturally to affirm that God doesn't change (all powerful/all loving), when in scripture God does change God's mind and sometimes God's character (wrathful, loving)

- Maybe suffering is given. Suffering is life. If this is the known, then how do we live our lives to find joy, hope, truth and love? 

At the end of the discussion, we had not solved this great problem. We affirmed that we only see dimly (1 Corinthians 13) and that faith cannot be built upon facts or philosophical claims. We talked about how some of us are ok accepting the mystery of God, but that we couldn't expect everyone to like or embrace the mystery. Some of us are just like "doubting Thomas" and we need more intellectual discourse and explanation. What I know... is that it is good for us to be faithful to our hunger...to doubt, to question, to debate, to share our life experience, to share our brokenness..and that through all of this, we may catch glimpses of hope in God and in one another.

We're meeting again the first Wednesday in August and will discuss another topic - "If God is all powerful, why did Jesus have to die to forgive our sins?" Thanks to David and Bob Boles for the awesome curiosity and honest question! Join us in person on online and feel free to share questions/doubts of your own!

Awaiting News Today

We await big news from the Supreme Court today.

People of faith all around the country are waiting with hopeful anticipation that the Supreme Court will strike discrimination from our federal laws and ensure that all couples who choose to enter into the sacred bonds of marriage receive equal rights and protections.

At Mission Bay Community Church, we believe that every human being is created in the image of God and has sacred worth. Extending marriage to all couples is an important step toward acknowledging the common humanity and equal worth of all God's children.


For all of you on edge today...feeling anxious, scared, hopeful, tired....know that you are not alone. God loves you and has claimed you as God's own. Your love is precious in God's sight. Know we are with you and surround you with support and love as your church community.

Praying God helps justice prevail and love endure this day and always.

Dawn

High Schoolers are Awesome

Small Group 28

This last week I was in the mountains of North Carolina helping with a conference for high school youth. My main role was to lead a small group - 30 youth meeting twice a day - to unpack the scriptures and life experiences we discussed each day.

I've been a small group leader before, but I had forgotten how sacred this space is for youth. They're surrounded by new faces and are encouraged to share the real pain and joy going on in their lives (school, home, church) without being judged or followed home by it. And these youth take advantage of it.

The second day we dove deep into the brokenness of their lives. I realized once again the roughness of high school and growing up. We shared the depths of our emotions and encouraged one another in the process. One main theme that kept coming up this week was from Mark 4:38 when Jesus is asleep in the boat during a mad storm. We moved from focusing on the fact that Jesus was sleeping and how that made us feel abandoned, anxious, and unloved.... to recognizing that Jesus is in the boat with us and Jesus does calm the storm. Maybe not as quickly as we would like him to, but in time Jesus calms the storms. We affirmed that the waves of the storms in our lives will continue to rise and threaten to overthrow us, but that Jesus continues to climb in our boat. We are never alone.

I'm grateful for my time with these youth and I'm grateful for all they've taught me about what church needs to look like to be relevant and life-filling for youth. Thanks, small group 28 for being vulnerable and real with each other, with God, and with me.

Check out Montreat Youth Conferences here: http://www.montreat.org/current/2013-youth-conferences-at-montreat

fiction revealing truth

I really love fiction. Partly because it draws me out of myself. It allows me to escape whatever stress or worries have taken hold of me and it moves me into a place where anything is possible.

Reading fiction also helps me process life. At first the story seems far off - distant from me - and soon it comes close to home, relating more and more to my own story. I find it easier to soak in and process whatever message I need to hear through the lens of a story.

In preaching class, this is exactly how we are taught to write and preach truth. Paint a picture, illustrate the message of truth through the lens of a story that doesn't attack someone or something directly, but eases us into it....lures us in and gives us new eyes and new ears to experience the world around us.

This last week I've been reading The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd. This novel is full of truth...both big and small. Here are some of the nuggets of wisdom I've been digesting this week:

"It was the in between time, before day leaves and comes, a time I've never been partial to because of the sadness that lingers in the space between going and coming."

"There is a fullness of time for things, Lily. You have to know when to prod and when to be quiet, when to let things take their course."

"Stories have to be told or they die and when they die, we can't remember who we are or why we are here."

"Life gives way to death and death gives way to life. Draping the bee hives helps us remember that."

"Given the choice, I preferred someone to understand my situation, even though she was helpless to fix it, rather than the other way around. But that's just me."

"You know, Lily, people can start out one way, and by the time life gets through with them they end up completely different."

"There is nothing perfect...there is only life."

Adjusting to City Life

Plain, Washington

San Francisco, California

I realized I had adjusted to city life when I took a trip for work recently to a ranch 2 hours outside of Seattle, Washington. Some colleagues picked me up from the airport, we made our mandatory stop for coffee, and we headed out into the mountainside. It was a beautiful drive...but I found myself getting frustrated each time I lost 3G cell service.

An hour or two into the drive we made a pit stop at a Safeway...literally in the middle of nowhere. As we got out of the car, I slung my bag over my shoulder and was baffled that the others left their valuables (purse, bags, laptops, phones) just lying in their seats. When I mentioned it they LAUGHED and said, "Dawn, look around...who is going to steal your stuff?" Still, I toughed it out and carried all my belongings inside.

The rest of the week, it was the running joke. Each time I left the room they'd sneer that I need to take everything with me in case a bear with incredible fine motor skills might come through.

It took me a day and a half to really settle into this new, rural environment and it was nice. I found myself appreciating the calm, slow pace of life and the freedom of not being concerned with my surroundings. This time away also helped me realize that I am really finding home here...in a big city. I'm learning the "rules" and I'm able to maneuver this world pretty well. It's a good thing...to realize that I'm finding home in the city life.

Identity

When I worked with youth (shout out to CPPC, North Raleigh, and SAPC), identity was always a topic of discussion. Middle and High school years are all about identity...figuring out who you are and communicating your identity to the world around you. It's also about recognizing how much of your identity you let others define for you.


In some ways, I feel like I am back in middle or high school trying to redefine who I am and how I want the world to see me. And guess what? It's still hard :/ On Sunday (5/19), I will celebrate one year of ordained ministry. One very full year as a pastor, a role which is defined by lots of different people in lots of different ways.

This role "pastor" has changed me...some. My work and my faith are more intertwined than ever before. My identities as friend, family member, and pastor are sometimes blurred and sometimes not.

What I struggle with is how much I let this role define me and how much I define the role.  I'll let you in on a secret...we're not given a list of "do's" and "don'ts" when we're ordained into this role. We're actually encouraged to step into it as freely and authentically as possible.






So, today, here is what I can say about my pastor-wife-friend-daughter-self:

- I love people.
- I love God.
- I enjoy running.
- I like not being "on."
- I love to laugh.
- I need to be reminded not to take life (and myself) too seriously.
- I like scotch (bet you didn't see that one coming...I just learned this about myself).
- I like to be adventurous and take risks, but not by myself.
- I like social media.
- I'm a church nerd (I know, big surprise).
- I like to ask "why?"
- I need community roots to feel comfortable.
- I love languages and translating.
- I admire loyalty and commitment in people.
- I like to dance and have been known to be silly :)

Knowing and owning our identity is important for living comfortably in our own skin. It also helps others know how best to relate to us. I doubt I'll ever have my whole identity ironed out, but it's nice to know that as I grow into new roles and change I don't lose past identities or morph into something completely defined by others. I am and will forever be Dawn.

Evangelism is NOT a dirty word

Evangelism tends to be a dirty word in progressive church circles. We still define evangelism as people "pushing their gospel on us." We picture people on the street (or worse, coming to our door) handing us a flyer and trying to "save our soul." We understand evangelism to be oppressive and mean spirited.

But...I LOVE EVANGELISM. Really, I do. And here's why:

"Evangelism is anything you do to help another person move closer to a relationship with God and/or into Christian community." Martha Grace Rees

Evangelism is anything we do that touches someone's life in a meaningful way and moves them closer to God or a faith community. Evangelism is welcoming people to be a part of our family of faith, it's loving on them, sharing a meal or a smile or a hug. Evangelism is telling our story of the one who loves us and why we love others...even those nobody loves.

And you know what? It's time to reclaim this "dirty word" evangelism because it is our call. It is our mission. It's biblical. Furthermore, we're already doing it. Why let someone else define it for us?

This week I have been back in school learning about a new scorecard for evangelism. Instead of counting the number of bums in pews, we're measuring our influence.... on the web, through social media, to the entire world!! That's really our mission right? Share the gospel...take it to the ends of the world. That's what any media (newspaper, radio, TV, telephone, text, tweet, like, share, etc) is doing. It is allowing us to share and spread our story in a new, evolving, exciting way.

We measure how well we evangelize (refer again to the definition as I know you've already forgotten) by measuring our influence. It's both high touch and high tech. High touch because we want the story we tell to be powerful, to be moving, to be worthy of the Jesus we love. High touch is getting the casserole to the family in need, it's providing a shoulder for someone to cry on, it's being fully present with others in a real and loving way. High tech is making the best use of the tools we've been given. It's embracing the new technologies that better connect us. This week we've played with all sorts of new social media (path, prayer engine, basecamp, etc) in churches all over the U.S. and Canada to extend our reach...to further our impact...to evangelize.

Evangelism. It's not dirty at all. It's beautiful. It's powerful. And it's our call.