Fairness and Grace

Last night, a small group from Mission Bay Community Church met in my home to eat dinner and study the biblical story of two sisters - Mary and Martha.

You can find the whole story here: Luke 10:38-42. The basic storyline is that Jesus comes to visit their house and one sister Mary sits at his feet and listens while the other sister Martha is busy cleaning the house and providing hospitably to Jesus. When Martha complains to Jesus that Mary is not helping her, Jesus tells her to stop worrying and busying herself. He says Mary has chosen the "better part" by listening to him.

It's a beautiful and important reminder to put Jesus first and for all of us busy/productive people to slow down and prioritize. It also doesn't seem fair. Martha was doing all the things culturally expected of her to prepare for and value the guest and Mary just sat there.

We want Jesus to be concerned with fairness. And yet, Jesus concerns himself with grace.

The more we talked about the story, the more other stories like this came to mind - the story of the Prodigal Son, the Workers who worked different amounts and yet all were paid the same, Jesus's persecution and suffering.... you know, none of those stories seem very fair either.

Perhaps it is our expectations for what we define as "justice" or "fair" that are the problem.
Perhaps our feelings of entitlement and desire for recognition get in the way of our being good people and sharing God's justice and grace.

I left our small group knowing I need to resist my tendency to compare, criticize and want my fair share in order to give and receive grace and love. In order to really put God first.

Criticism.

No one likes being critiqued. At least no one I know.

And yet criticism, when productive, can be such a gift for our own self-development. I think it's really important for leaders in particular to be able to receive criticism in order to remain accountable to the larger community.

Still, it's not easy.

In high school my grandfather gave me a key chain of "tough skin." I was a drum major and he said tough skin was essential for leadership. As a leader himself he knew that receiving criticism, even harsh words, is part of the role. Over the years I've had to discern between criticism that is productive and needed for my own growth and criticism that has more to do with the person giving it than with me. The key chain is a good reminder to receive the criticism, but not let it inside. It's helped me pause before taking it all in and consider what is true and what is not.

I also remember a mentor instructing me that when I give criticism I need to tread lightly and treat people fragilely. He is wise. He told me that I don't know what people's lives are like outside of my time with them and so it's always good to fall on the side of grace. I like to think of it as a posture of humility. Remembering that as a leader it is our role to serve others. To guide them, sure, but to account for the wholeness of their humanity and to respect them.